Steam in Forty Five Degrees

So I wrote this one shot for a contest. The idea was to pack as many Twilight fanfic clichés into a fic as possible, and I don’t know how successful I was at it, but anyway, it was great fun, a bloody good exercise in what to avoid, and in the process I got to take the piss out of bits of The Twilight Saga, which as a fan I feel I am entitled to do.

Anyway, the contest didn’t happen cos there were only like two or three entries, I guess not many people were game (or maybe the fandom is just a little bit attached to their clichés and didn’t want to call attention to them? I dunno) so it didn’t go ahead. Anyway, I finally got around to posting the fic that I affectionately refer to as ‘Steam’ a few days back. You can find it here if you’re interested, which you probably aren’t, but that’s okay cos I’m blogging for my own self so :p

I wrote het sex for it. Damn that was fucking hard O.O I ended up going with a bit of a blurry soft porn thing cos I just couldn’t do it any other way ;) I wrote Bella too, which I don’t really like doing, but because I could go with the clichéd Bella, it wasn’t so bad. I just basically took the piss.

But there is a severely sexually repressed Edward in there too (POV), which was great fun to write, especially the interaction with my Clichésper and his special lusty influence. My sister in law, who does not read fanfic, and especially does not cope well with any M/M or slash type fiction and who does not know the clichés at all described him thus: “Jasper is just a big closet queer!” with great glee. I think she liked him ;) Probably not the way I would have described him, but fun, none the less.

And I can’t forget to mention obnoxious Emmett, oh how I love to write him. And plenty of chocolate orbs, bridge pinching, song lyrics and some sex hair thrown in for good measure.

But anyway…

The point of this whole post wasn’t actually to tell you all about that. Strangely enough, since that seems to be what I have done. Gimme a break, I’m working on a the-day-after-an-all-nighter here so I’m not quite all there.

I was gonna just say how I’ve not been able to get naughty Clichésper outta my head cos he was so much fun, and because I love the slash I just have to get him and Edward to actually do something about the rubber band thing. Okay, you might get that if you’ve read Steam, or… you might not.

Whatever. So I started a second chapter O.O But I’m not going with the all out clichés in this one, cos they drive me nuts to be honest. Of course because the characters began in the clichéverse, they are kinda stuck with some clichéd characteristics, but I think we can handle that ;) I see it as an opportunity to royally take the piss out of some stuff I’ve been dying to take the piss out of… yeah probably since I first read the series. I mean, Edward? A Ducati? Really? WTF.

I’ll see if I can get the whole Black Swan thing in there too. It might be a whole nother chapter. If I can even deal with writing Bella again! Does anyone have ANY IDEA what the fuck I’m talking about? Didn’t think so. Thanks for listening ;)


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